Which Video Game Birds Make The Best Thanksgiving Food?

Happy Thanksgiving. As a Brit, I don’t really get it. It seems like a pre-Christmas but without the presents or the cute decorations or the music. Maybe the Yanks out there can correct me, but as far as I can see, Thanksgiving seems to be entirely about the turkey. And you know what? I’m here for it.

I love turkey. But it’s so synonymous with Christmas (and Thanksgiving) that it feels like we only eat it once a year. In fact, after ‘at Christmas’ the most popular way to eat turkey in the UK is in dinosaur form, which has replaced the now defunct twizzlers. But what does this have to do with gaming? Not a lot, but it’s my job to write rubbish about all things pixels and polygons, so enjoy this turkey-flavoured rubbish with the top five birds I want to eat in video games.

Chocobo, Final Fantasy

We’ve all thought about it, haven’t we? They just look like they’d be so juicy and moist. Final Fantasy’s iconic birds are so tall and athletic they seem more like a cross between ostrich and horse, but I’ve eaten the former and would try the latter, so that just sweetens the deal. Plus, think about all the cute little doughy ones, or that massive one with the Moogle you can summon. Now that’s a festive bird.

Possibly the most famous bird in all of video games, if you’re going to sample the feathery feasts of this digital kingdom, your culinary journey would be incomplete without a chocobo course. And just think of how big the leg would be…

Fearow, Pokemon

Pokemon famously does not have a turkey Pokemon. At least, it’s famous to people like me who have memorised every single article TheGamer has ever published. But if I’m eating the forbidden fowl of video games, Pokemon needs to make the cut. Few people will have played Pokemon and not wondered, even occasionally, even a little bit, just how some of those beasts would taste roasted with a nice port gravy.

I wasn’t sure what Fearow was even meant to be (since Spearow is clearly a sparrow), but apparently it’s an anhinga, which is sometimes called ‘water turkey’ and is eaten by the folk of the bayou and the everglades. These people gave the world gumbo, so I’m going to trust them and chow down on a Fearow.

The Goose, Untitled Goose Game

It’s fun playing Untitled Goose Game, but you have to-HONK! I said, you have to admit the-HONK! I said, the goose-HONK! Okay buddy, let’s see how much you honk when you’re on my plate smothered in orange sauce, eh? Not so clever now are we? Nothing to honk about with that apple in your mouth, is there?

As I was saying, it’s fun playing Untitled Goose Game, but you have to admit the goose is very annoying. Charming and mischievous when we’re the ones in control, maybe but otherwise a right nuisance that deserves what’s coming to it. After all, that’s the whole point of Moby Dick – the best kind of revenge is the type you take on an animal.

Ketchup, Animal Crossing

Ketchup at a Christmas dinner is sacrilege, but having seen some of the Thanksgiving sides (just a big bowl of sweetcorn, or maybe a bread bun for no reason), maybe that’s not the case across the pond. However, Animal Crossing’s Ketchup is a duck that comes with, or perhaps is even made from, a condiment. At a certain point, it’s like these things want to be eaten.

I’ve had tomato with duck before, in curries or on pizza (you have to try duck pizza, by the way), so I can vouch that they go together. I’m not sure I’d dip Ketchup in ketchup, but maybe it would have a subtle sundried tomato essence flowing through it as you cut into its rich and juicy meat. Ah, you only live once. Pass the Ketchup ketchup and let’s see how this tastes.

Cassowary, Far Cry 3

A legal disclaimer: cassowaries are a real bird and are really endangered. I do not support or recommend hunting, cooking, and eating them. However, the fictional birds in the fictional world of Far Cry 3 are factually my least favourite thing in the history of everything ever, and this is my vengeance exacted upon them this day of giving thanks.

I hate big scary birds anyway, and Far Cry 3’s cassowaries are the biggest, scariest birds I have ever been confronted with. On an island of demonic sacrifice, unhinged militants, hidden landmines, and bloodthirsty mercenaries aplenty, the worst threat came in the form of the cassowaries. Since I can’t eat landmines for dinner, get the cassowary on the plate.