I didn’t have a coffee shop phase in high school and college like a lot of my friends, so I wasn’t about to miss the opportunity to work as a barista – or should I say Potionista – for iconic Disney Villains. Gigachad Gaston and livestreamer Maleficent weren’t on my 2025 bingo card, but boy am I glad to see ‘em.
Customer service is a terrible gig. Everyone knows that the work is tiring, the pay is poor, and the customers are monsters. Disney Villains are also notorious for their sharp wit, belittling attitudes, and haughty demeanors, which means they make for the perfect cafe customers: completely unforgiving and outrageously entitled.
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Asking $15 for a visual novel is a lot in my opinion, even with the Disney label slapped on the front. Disney has a less-than-ideal reputation when it comes to video games, but after last year’s Epic Mickey: Rebrushed, I was hoping this might be the start of a new era for the House of Mouse.
Cursed Cafe immediately piqued my interest. Hipster Disney Villains dishing dirt and navigating daily life? I strapped on my dingy, potion-stained apron and got right to work. Rather than serving custom coffee orders, I whipped up glorious potions for the unsuspecting Villains lamenting about their evil struggles.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much time chatting with baristas about my daily life. That’s more of a bartender vibe, but Disney has to be kid-friendly so…
Worth Giving Potion Crafting A Try
The initial visual novel format can be off-putting, especially with the motion controls on the Switch that move the screen around while you talk. It’s a subtle feature that adds depth to the otherwise 2D visuals, but as a constant fidgeter, this made me a little dizzy. Still, it gave me hope that maybe Disney hadn’t quickly thrown together a cash-grab game featuring their most sinister characters.
For a visual novel, there’s a lot of room for error here. You’re left to your own devices to make potions, minus a handful of recipes available from the start. Making a mistake can result in a bad rating or a missed opportunity to learn more about your favorite Villain. Some are easier customers to please than others, like the head-empty Gaston as opposed to the Mistress of All Evil Maleficent. You only get one chance with the customers per day, so choose your potions wisely.
I threw random ingredients together to serve the Evil Queen, which ended up as a curdled mess. She drank it out of spite and told me off. If not for Yzma’s surprise appearance at the counter, I’d have been screwed out of a good conversation.
The inclusion of a do-over potion is nice, and they’re technically free. You can have as many do-overs as you want to experiment with dialogue choices and potions, but it quickly becomes a hassle to slog through every single day from the start when you make a mistake.
The lack of a skip button for dialogue is a big drawback, especially when manually skipping through dialogue to get to the choices, which can result in accidentally making the wrong selection again.
The Villains Aren’t Quite Villainous Enough
Even though these are the most notorious Disney characters, they’re missing that special something that makes them so lovably evil. If anything, they feel like the boomer versions of themselves, far less intimidating and much more annoying. Just like working in customer service actually is–but this is Disney we’re talking about. Isn’t it supposed to be magical? Exciting? An escape from reality?
Maleficent wants to be at the top of the world via livestreaming her trips to the cafe, Gaston needs everyone’s attention constantly, the Evil Queen needs to reassurance to feel like Royalty, and Cruella wants everyone to see how stylish and rich she is–despite her wealth having all but vanished in this alternate cafe universe.
Perhaps it’s just a slow burn to get to the best parts, like how brewing the perfect coffee takes patience. However, some Villains truly feel out of place. For one thing, Gaston doesn’t even see himself as a Villain–and Cruella de Vil hardly counts among the most sinister in terms of her crimes. Yes, the coat of puppies was a very, very evil thing, but compared to the likes of Jafar and Maleficent? It’s an odd choice when there are other Villains like Hades or Gothel that would provide a more light-hearted, comedic vibe while still commanding the respect Disney Villains deserve.
You could argue that the game is a reskinned Disney version of Coffee Talk, but with as much depth as a kiddie pool.
There’s not too much thinking or decision-making to do here, which I quite enjoyed. Let me mix frozen thoughts with chaos to make a lovely little shake, or combine several ingredients to help Gaston breathe fire for attention. Anything to avoid Maleficent smiting her fellow streamers and leaving a terrible review on TalkZic just to spite me. She’s so wicked, she didn’t even leave a tip.
For The Price, It’s Okay
Despite the Disney Villains becoming millennial caricatures for the sake of a visual novel, there is some fun to be had. Serving up the wrong potions, ignoring Villains that come up to the counter, and resetting the day to do it all again gives the game some replay value.
Then again, the ease in which you can make a mistake and need to start over from the beginning brings my excitement to a halt. I don’t want to wait for a loading screen in a visual novel to experiment when there’s no skip button. At that point, it really is like working in customer service again, and I’d rather not go back to that. Even the chance to help Gaston reflect on why he needs everyone to love him isn’t enough to bring me back in when my attention span is that of a goldfish these days.
Disney Villains Cursed Cafe is best handled in short bursts to carry on the cafe vibe. Personally, I play one day at a time to help carry the story, but it can all be completed within a couple of hours if you just want to see how it ends. Bully the Villains if you want or try to help them become better people; at the end of the day, it’s your cafe.
3.0/5
- Released
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March 27, 2025
- ESRB
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Everyone
- Developer(s)
-
Bloom Digital Media
- Publisher(s)
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Disney Interactive
- Number of Players
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Single-player
- Steam Deck Compatibility
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Unknown
- PC Release Date
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March 27, 2025
- Colorful reimaginings of the classic Disney Villains.
- Creative gameplay for brewing potions.
- Simple and easy to follow along with.
- Long load times.
- Motion controls are distracting.
- Replaying days is time-consuming without a skip button.
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