Video Game Rewards You Shouldn’t Spend Time Unlocking

Summary

• Unlocking a minigun in Urban Chaos after collecting 204 medals is anticlimactic, as the gang is extinguished.
• Collecting 900 Korok seeds in Zelda: Breath of the Wild for Hestu’s Gift results in a giant golden poop.
• Completing the Illusory Rings challenge in Dark Souls 2 leaves players with invisible equipment but not much else.

Part of the joy of playing video games is the ability to unlock new things, whether that’s new weapons, characters, levels or some shiny new cosmetics with which to flex on everyone else. Getting everything handed to you from the get-go is boring anyway.

Despite that, sometimes certain video games will make players go through hell and back to unlock something, only for that unlockable to be, frankly, not worth the effort. Whether that’s because the unlockable is a joke, or the usability of said item just doesn’t match the work taken to unlock it, these are the unlockables that perhaps you shouldn’t have bothered with.

10

Urban Chaos: Riot Response – The Minigun

Too Much Medalling

Before its stellar work on the Batman: Arkham series, Rocksteady was responsible for developing the criminally underrated FPS Urban Chaos: Riot Response. Playing as a zero-tolerance riot cop named Mason, you’re dropped into a war against the Burner gang, with the objectives you complete at various levels earning you medals.

These medals are used as your progression system, as you unlock new weapons, tools and upgrades as you earn medals, incentivising you to find collectibles, perform non-lethal takedowns or complete levels on the hardest difficulty. There are 204 medals in total, and your reward for nabbing them all is a pretty powerful minigun as a replacement for your pistol. However, if you’ve got every medal, the Burner gang has been all but extinguished, so what’s the point in being given the most fun toy at the very end?

If you’d rather skip the waiting, you can unlock a cheat menu by pressing Up, Up, Down, Down, Circle/Y, Down, Up, Circle/Y depending on whether you’re on PS2 or Xbox. After that, enter the code MINIFUN and you’ll be one minigun richer.

9

The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild – Hestu’s Gift

Pretty Rubbish Gift

Perhaps one of Nintendo’s cruelest jokes, beyond making solo players either play 20 hours of versus mode, or complete 700 versus matches to unlock Mewtwo in Melee, the Korok Seed quest in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is masterful trolling. Collecting Korok Seeds is broadly useful in Breath of the Wild, as they can be spent on inventory upgrades for Link.

The problem comes with the amount of Korok Seeds there are. Across Hyrule, there are 900 seeds to find, but you only need 441 to fully upgrade Link’s inventory. If you manage to collect the remaining 459 seeds and return them, you’ll unlock two things: a funny little dance cutscene, and Hestu’s Gift, which looks (and apparently smells) like a massive golden poop. Sometimes, “gotta catch ‘em all” is bad advice.

8

Assassin’s Creed 2 – Auditore Cape

No Capes

Gamers have been collecting items and trinkets for questionable reasons for years now, though Assassin’s Creed 2 might have been some players’ first instance of the effort not matching the reward. Introducing Ezio Auditore into the series, AC 2 has you travelling around Italy collecting feathers, in the hopes that there might be some cool unlock at the end. Maybe we’d get Da Vinci’s glider in free roam? That’d be cool.

Instead, you receive the Auditore Cape, an admittedly snazzy-looking accessory for Ezio and a celebration of his family’s history. Unfortunately, Ezio’s family were cast out of Firenze at the start of the game, making them notorious across Italy. All this to say, wearing the Auditore cape gives you a permanent max notoriety level, making stealth basically impossible.

7

The Binding Of Isaac – Samson Feels Healthy

Most Pointless Trinket Award

Few games are more outwardly hateful to its player base than The Binding of Isaac, with each update and DLC adding new ways to torture its community. While true Isaac-heads will have their own personal war story on what the most baffling or pointless unlocks are within the game, most tend to agree that Samson Feels Healthy isn’t worth it.

Added in the Afterbirth DLC, Samson Feels Healthy requires you to beat the Ultra Hard challenge, where all enemies are at their hardest variants. You’re also cursed on every floor and hearts will not drop. Your reward for this is Samson Feels Healthy, an achievement that gives Samson, a mid-tier character, the Child’s Heart trinket at the start of a run, which increases your hearts found by a whopping ten percent.

Not Much Of A Profit Honestly

Skyrim’s most infamous quest, No Stone Unturned, has been the bane of RPG players ever since Skyrim first launched in 2011. Even if you’ve got a guide handy, hunting down the 24 Stones of Barenziah needed to finish the first half of this quest is a laborious effort, seeing players join the Thieves Guild and travel across practically every inch of Skyrim.

Once you’ve managed to find all 24 stones, you’ll then have to head to a place called Tovald’s Cave to retrieve the actual crown, battling hordes of Falmer in the process. Doing all of that and delivering the crown to the Thieves Guild finishes the quest and unlocks Prowler’s Profit, a permanent buff that increases your chances of finding multiple gems in one chest. Wow, forget shouts, this is clearly the Dragonborn’s most powerful ability.

5

Batman: Arkham Knight – Batsuit v8.05 – Prestige Edition

Couldn’t Even Make It An All-Gold Suit

The Simpsons said it best: “No one can give more than 100 percent. By definition, that’s the most that anyone can give.” Still, some video games give you the ability to push your completion percentage past 100 percent, with Spyro perhaps being the most notable example. However, Batman: Arkham Knight may have pushed things too far by asking for 240 percent.

To achieve 240 percent completion in Arkham Knight, you need to finish the main campaign to 100 percent, then complete the Season of Infamy DLC missions and content. That brings you to 120 percent, meaning you have to do it all again on New Game Plus to reach 240 percent. The reward? A new batsuit that looked pretty much the same as the regular one, except with a Golden Bat Symbol on the breastplate.

While the outfit unlock is pretty mediocre already, what makes it worse is that the suit is tied to your save file, meaning if you decided to start the game from scratch, you wouldn’t be able to use the gold suit. You have to ask what the point of it even is.

4

Dark Souls 2 – Illusory Rings

Not Tricks, Illusions

Dark Souls 2 often has to fight for its place at the table compared to other, more beloved FromSoftware games, but something that Dark Souls 2 did that other games should copy was reward players for completing bonkers challenge runs. If you finish DS 2 either without dying or without resting at a bonfire, you unlock some rewards, though regrettably, said rewards aren’t some massive greatsword that can oneshot every enemy in the game.

Instead, you unlock the Illusory Ring of the Conqueror and the Illusory Ring of the Exalted respectively. Equipping these rings renders the equipment in your left and right hand completely invisible, which certainly can be useful if you want to engage in some PvP trolling, but aside from that, they’re taking up precious inventory slots.

3

Urban Reign – William Bordin

Bordin Up The Windows

The PS2 era was filled to bursting with beat ‘em ups, which naturally meant some were overshadowed. Urban Reign was one of them, as despite its lacklustre single-player offering, Urban Reign’s four-player brawling felt like a mix between Tekken and Power Stone. The Tekken comparison is fitting then, as beating the game normally would unlock Paul and Law for use in-game.

The Tekken duo aren’t the bad unlockable here though, as beating the game also unlocks the Challenge Mode, where you can re-do all 100 levels as every character. Getting an S-Rank in every mission then unlocks William Bordin, Urban Reign’s final boss. That might sound good, until you realise he was only the final boss because he had a gun. Otherwise, he’s the weakest character in the whole game. Good work unlocking him, champ.

2

Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance – Mokap

Going Through The Motions

The Mortal Kombat series has always had a love affair with secrets and unlockables, whether it’s convoluted ways to unlock hidden fights, or the urban legends regarding characters like Ermac that spread through arcades during the ’90s. Typically, MK unlocks are awesome, but if you played through Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, one unlock might have felt lacking: Mokap.

A literal motion capture artist brought into this tournament of gods, sorcerers, and demonic creatures, Mokap is admittedly a silly addition to a silly fighting game. The problem is that, to unlock him, you need to finish the game’s Konquest mode, which is essentially the most boring tutorial mode with trials for every single ‘kombatant’. Mokap isn’t a bad unlock, and it’s not a hard requirement, but it’s such a tedious slog that it makes you wonder why you should bother.

1

Hollow Knight – Delicate Flower Mask Shard

Better Learn How To Dodge

Like other Metroidvania-style games, Hollow Knight allows you to upgrade your maximum health by collecting mask shards. Collecting four shards grants a full heart, and with 16 shards to grab, there’s a lot of room to upgrade. Most mask shards are acquired via normal means, like buying from a shop or finding them in the environment, but the Delicate Flower questline is anything but normal.

The Grey Mourner tasks you with taking the Delicate Flower to the Grave of the Traitor’s Child, with completion rewarding you with a mask shard. The catch? Taking any damage or using fast travel via Stagways or the Dreamgate will break the flower, forcing you to trudge back to the Grey Mourner to go again. It’s a brutal challenge, so it feels like the reward could have at least been a full mask at least. Just a shard? Stingy that, mate.

The Godmaster content update in 2018 actually bolstered the Delicate Flower quest by adding new recipients, with players able to unlock a new ending by giving the flower to Godseeker.