The Funniest Quotes In Two Point Museum

Two Point Museum doesn’t have a lot of dialogue, which does limit the amount of good quotes or content that you’ll come across. Generally, when someone pops on the screen to talk, it’s for tutorial purposes or because the game is alerting you that something is happening.

However, if you do take the time to read the descriptions scattered throughout the game, be they for displays, blips of commentary when firing someone, or dilemmas that your team has encountered when exploring, there are some absolute gems. Sometimes the game will catch you off guard with how ridiculous a sentiment is or what the lore implications are.

9

“I Took The Liberty Of Having The Museum’s Helicopter Unimpounded.”

What Crimes Did The Previous Owner Commit?

When you first open up the game, you’ll be running your paleontology exhibit, which, while not one of the best ones in the game, certainly isn’t terrible. You are described as the new owner, and while you have a lot of building to work with, you have almost nothing in terms of exhibits.

You don’t even have a helicopter at first, at least, until you are informed that it has been unimpounded. This begs the question of just what crimes the previous owner was committing in or with said helicopter that resulted in it being impounded by police. It’s never elaborated on, but the mind is sure to run wild.

8

“Shivering! Hallucinations! A Team Member Is Cold, Confused, And Worse Still, They Now Think They’re A Yeti.”

Set Them Free To Live Their Brief Yeti Dreams

One of the first dilemmas that you might end up dealing with may just involve your team members beginning to lose it in the icy tundras. Losing a team member is a bit of a pain, given that you have to rehire and possibly train someone all over again. But if so desired, you can just… set this team member free to the wilds of the frozen Arctic.

Their life as a yeti may be incredibly short, and indulging in their hallucinations probably isn’t for the best, but it’s one of the easier and funnier options to take. Also… can yetis even get cold?

7

“If The Netherworld Find Out, I’ll Be In Undead Trouble.”

Is Undead Trouble Different From Living Trouble?

Unlike your previous museums, the Wailon Lodge is run by one of the undead — one who will work for you happily so long as you can get the museum in order. However, it’s implied that this isn’t done entirely legally by the rules of the Netherworld, especially given that you just seem to be kidnapping ghosts.

As such, it makes sense that your curator will indeed be in undead trouble if someone catches onto the ruse. However, the specific clarification of undead trouble does imply that there are different types of trouble or punishment meted out depending on your living status.

6

“Instead, They’ll Use Interactive Displays To Learn In An Engaging Way, That’s Totally Family-Friendly (And Only Mildly Patronizing).”

The Children Are Illiterate… How Sad…

If you’re trying to make the perfect museum that’s wonderfully academic and informative, you may be frustrated to learn that the children do not care and cannot read. As such, you are forced to put silly interactive exhibits into your very professional and high-class museum so that the children can also learn.

However, if you want your museum to thrive and to get that elusive Mega Museum achievement, then you’re going to need to place some interactive displays and crank their Buzz up to maximum…. Just know that you’re still better than all the children who refuse to read in your very educational and fun museum.

5

“But Where Will I Go Every Day To Eat My Sandwiches And Pass The Time… No, Seriously, Any Recommendations?”

They Could Still Come To The Museum… Just As A Customer, Now

When you opt to fire someone, there’s a decent chance that they will question your decision in an attempt to make you change your mind. However, this employee seems like they don’t have many qualms about being fired.

In fact, their only qualm is that they don’t know where they’re going to go to eat their sandwiches, but the solution is right in front of them. They can still come to the museum to eat their sandwiches, they just have to do it as a paying customer now, which is going to make those sandwiches end up being very expensive.

4

“I’d Almost Paid Off That Which Who Stole My Good Intentions. Looks Like It’s The Wayward Life For Me.”

So Are You Just Evil Forever Now?

You may be questioning your hiring decisions if one of your employees voices this opinion upon being fired; because it leaves you wondering if you’ve just had an evil employee all the time or if they’re only just accepting that they will be evil forever now. What does one even do with their life if they don’t have any good intentions? A lot of crime?

Either way, if you let this employee go, you probably won’t ever find out the answer. To be honest, it’s also a pretty convincing argument to keep them on board, just so they can afford to buy their good intentions back.

3

“During The Industrial Age, Those With Means Could Afford All-Manner Of Highfalutin Healthcare That Didn’t Help At All.”

It’s Funny Because It’s True

Healthcare wasn’t always great, or even good, no matter how much money was invested into it or how many doctors there were throwing around ideas. Herbal remedies could be alright and help to treat some of the symptoms — enough that people could get on with their days again.

However, when some of your treatments are just to rub mercury into skin lesions or boils, it’s not really going to do much aside from being painful and causing more issues. With treatments like that, it’s no wonder that there are so many Industrial Age ghosts you can kidnap and put on display in your extra spooky and creepy museum.

2

“Just Because Something Is Scary Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Amazing Or Interesting. Horror Can Be Quite The Crowd-Pleaser.”

A Surprisingly Great Insight From A Two Point Game

A lot of the quotes that you find in Two Point Museum are either silly or they’re straight to the point to help you figure out what you’re doing. However, with this quote from the Wailon Lodge museum, it really does make you stop and think for a moment.

One could put a lot more poetic implications on this than it likely was trying to carry, but it’s a nice sentiment. Something scaring you isn’t a good reason to completely dismiss it as bad or unenjoyable — and if you give it a shot, you may find it to be a really enjoyable and interesting experience.

1

“Security Have Spotted A Criminal In The Museum! Stop, Thief!”

Time To Pull Out The Pepper Grinder Spray

Nothing inspires panic like seeing this quote pop up on the screen, warning you that there’s a thief in the museum who can and will steal the exhibits that you have worked so hard to curate. Stopping the thief is an entirely different set of panic as you try to find a nearby security guard or make sure that the thief can be caught in time.

Once the thief is caught, it is kind of funny and very rewarding to see one of your security guards pull out a comically oversized pepper grinder to blind the thief and cause them to stop so they can be held accountable for their attempted crimes.