Hearts Eyes is about the titular killer who has gone on campaigns across America, slaying couples on Valentine’s Day. He’s been doing this for two years with his latest sights set on Seattle. Here the story focuses on Ally who works in the marketing department for her agency.
Related
After a bombed pitch, Ally’s boss hires a freelancer, Jay, and the two sort of have a meet-cute. Things don’t go well though because their budding romance is targeted by Heart Eyes, or HEK as they call him in the movie, even though they aren’t together. Who is the killer? It’s a mystery for sure but let’s focus on those brutal kills first with spoilers.
6
The Bride To Be
Juiced By Her Own Petard
A classic horror movie needs a good kill or set of kills to get the ball rolling and Heart Eyes doesn’t disappoint. At a staged proposal, the first victim to bite the dust is the cameraman responsible for recording this definitely spontaneous proposal. He gets a machete through the eye of his camera lens which is unsightly.
Next, the groom-to-be gets an arrow lobbed into his head, making his eye twitch uncomfortably. The bride-to-be manages to escape the killer for a bit, sacrificing a security guard on the way. Her death might be the most cringe-inducing in the movie as she gets juiced as in her whole body gets crushed and turned into wine. Thankfully, no one is seen tasting it.
5
The Taxi Driver
Tell Her You Love Her
After an uncomfortable business date, Ally and Jay try to leave the restaurant before bumping into Ally’s ex. It was awkward but it was made even stranger when the two escape into a cab which is themed around Valentine’s Day. The taxi driver is a hopeless romantic who wants Ally and Jay to be in love but they tell him they’re not a couple.
Related
7 Best Robo Romances In Movies, Ranked
Get the tissues out because these robots have found love in film.
The date is supposed to end with Ally getting dropped off but she loses her key so Jay tags along to help her inside. That’s when they meet the killer and narrowly escape his advances. Outside, the cab is still there but unfortunately, he gets arrowed before they can escape on wheels. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
4
Detective Hobbs
God Bless America
At the police station, the cops think that Jay is the killer. As he’s being interrogated, the real HEK appears after cutting off the power. He first stabs the desk cop with an American flag pole and then when Detective Hobs appears to stop the HEK, he gets sliced in the nether regions.
Thankfully they don’t show his bits fall out but Heart Eyes definitely doesn’t seem like the movie above that sort of thing. There are horror movies, like the first VHS, that will show member dismemberment but that is besides the point. After those two kills in the police station, Ally rescues Jay and mamanges to escape relatively unharmed.
3
The Van Couple
Should Have Kept It Down
Ally and Jay run to a close drive-in movie theater/amusement park where they decide to hang out in a van. This van is occupied by a couple having relationships but they are so zoned out that they don’t even care if Ally and Jay are there.
The scared duo tries to calm this couple down but their passion cannot be silenced leading the HEK right to the van. The HEK first stabs the guy with a tire iron and then stabs his girlfriend with it. They die on top of each other which would be sort of romantic in a tragic way had their heads not been riddled with giant holes.
2
Eli
Too Disgusting To Describe
In a plot twist that Scream fans could see coming, there is not one HEK but three. Ally and Jay manage to kill one of them after the van incident at the drive-in with a quick counter of the machete. Ally hates blood so she pukes on the corpse, adding insult to injury not that this serial killer didn’t deserve it.
Related
8 Best New Rom-Com Movies For Valentine’s Day, Ranked
Some great new rom-com movies for Valentine’s Day include Anyone But You, We Live In Time, and The Idea Of You.
They then unmask him but it’s a face neither of them recognize and the audience shouldn’t recognize him either. Later they find out his name was Eli and he was a fan who wanted to help the real killers out in any way he could.
1
Detective Jean
The Throuple Is Ended
The real romantic killers then turned out to be David, the IT guy at the police station, and Detective Jean. Their kink is killing couples who are in love which drives their hormones wild. The two lure Ally to a chapel dedicated to St. Valentine in the guise of saving Jay and it was this move that proved to be a bad one for the killers.
Jay manages to stab David in the eye with an arrow who then gets covered in hot wax. Detective Jean gets the more brutal death as she is beheaded by a statue of St. Valentine. Ally doesn’t say it, but she could have remarked on how it was poetic justice. For now, it seems like the nightmare is over but if the movie is successful enough, maybe the HEK’s torch will be carried on.
Heart Eyes
- Release Date
-
February 7, 2025
- Director
-
Josh Ruben
- Writers
-
Michael Kennedy, Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon