All the best Pokemon are absolute units. The best Legendary? Lugia. She’s a big gal. The cutest Pokemon? Cufant, who clocks in at an astounding 220lbs. Certified chonker. Best Pokemon added in the Scarlet & Violet Teal Mask DLC? Specific, I know, but it’s clearly big bear Bloodmoon Ursaluna. The most powerful Pokemon ever to hit our screens? So big that only its hand can be perceived by the human eye.
As you’ve probably (read: hopefully) realised, I’m not being entirely serious here. I do like the aforementioned Pokemon, but there’s no real correlation between the size of a Pokemon and how much I like it. My two favourite Pokemon are Jolteon and Gengar for h*ck’s sake, one of which is a lil fox guy and the other of which has no corporeal form.
I’m being entirely serious about Cufant. Cutest. Pokemon. Ever.
However, there’s one thing I know for sure. Tiny Pokemon are the motherfl*pping worst.
Case Study 1: Tiny Pokemon In The Main Series Games
Pokemon Scarlet & Violet have a lot of problems, but one of the most infuriating mechanics was the inclusion of tiny Pokemon. While I liked the concept of encountering Pokemon in the overworld as a way of modernising the classic catch ’em all experience, the execution was way off.
Even if you ignore the terrible pop-in and strange animations (which you shouldn’t, this is a multi-billion dollar franchise), the random encounters got a bit much. It was fine if you were aiming for a cool Pokemon. Trying to catch your first Cyclizar was fun, as was getting jumped by a squadron of Pawniard protecting their boss. Guess who ruined it? That’s right. Tiny Pokemon.
I’m looking at you, Flittle. You too, Dung Beetle Guy Whose Name I Can’t Even Remember. Roller or something? These Pokemon that are so small you can’t even see them on your screen, and somehow want to fight you more often than the flock of Zubat in Mt Moon. I thought we were past this, Pokemon. I don’t know if this is intentional, a throwback to a time when random encounters were truly random, or if the developers just designed the sprites too small. Either way, it’s infuriating.
Imagine if you were on a lovely walk through a field and you had to stop every time you saw an ant. Welcome to life with a toddler in the Paldea region. If every tiny Pokemon in this region died an excruciating death and was then fated to become a bad taxidermy displayed in the universe’s worst museum for all eternity, it would be too good for them.
Case Study 2: Tiny Pokemon In Pokemon Go
While not quite on the same level as their Paldean counterparts, these minor bugs are also a major bugbear in Pokemon Go.
Pokemon Go introduced huge and tiny Pokemon a while back now, mostly as a way of spicing up your encounters once every couple of weeks. “Ooh my Groudon I spent a quid to catch is tiny.” Whoopee.
Being tiny has no functional impact on your Pokemon. It doesn’t affect its stats, it doesn’t affect its size on screen or when travelling as your buddy, it doesn’t do anything. At least huge Pokemon can win Showcases. No Showcase has ever asked to see the tiniest Pokemon in my collection, despite the tech clearly being there.
I suspect there is some bug with tiny Pokemon and Showcases, and they were originally meant to be able to host tiny Pokemon competitions as well as huge ones. Niantic has never confirmed this however.
So all tiny Pokemon have going for them is that animation which plays when you encounter them? That’s it? I’m so glad I’ve wasted another second of life looking at this Flabébe I only clicked on to see if it was shiny. The fact that it’s so small has made this tiny Flabébe my new best friend. We’re going out for coffee later.
I don’t know what reaction Niantic expected from tiny Pokemon, but they’ve been met with complete and utter apathy. That’s better than Scarlet & Violet’s offering, though, which was met with contempt and derision, at least from my house.
But these two case studies prove that there’s no point adding a tiny Pokemon to your game. It will only annoy and infuriate players, no matter how you implement it. Oh wait, they’re just to sell plushies? In that case, crack on. I’m sure they’re amazing at doing that.
Next
Playing Pokemon Go In A Country Where It’s Banned
You can’t play Pokemon Go in China, but I needed a digital souvenir.