I love idle clicker games. Cookie Clicker has been a part of my routine for months now, with me launching it at the beginning of my work day and checking in every half an hour or so on my Pomodoro method breaks. Stimulation Clicker is, technically, an idle clicker game, except it melted my brain and overloaded my senses so thoroughly that I had to mute it entirely and step away from my PC for a while.
Clicker Hell
You’re better off just playing it now instead of reading this – it doesn’t take very long to finish – but since you’re still here, allow me to explain. The game is very simple, as are most clickers. You start with a blank screen with a single button in the middle, labelled with the instruction “Click me”. So you do. Every click gets you a Stimulation point.
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As you rack up the clicks, you can unlock things. First, a bouncing DVD logo that gives you a point every time it bounces. You can buy as many of these as you want, as long as you have the points required. You can increase the number of points you get per click. You add things to the UI – a counter that tells you how many Stimulation points you’re earning per second, a Subway Surfers clip in the corner, a breaking news ticker at the top of your screen, the Lo-Fi Beats girl and accompanying music.
You add rain sounds. A pinwheel effect for your screen. A hydraulic press that crushes a stack of macarons, then reverses the clip so you can do it all over again. All of these things earn you more Stimulation points.
I Hate The Internet
The noises layer on top of each other. Videos fill your screen. Slime stretching, Mukbangs, a true crime podcast. It’s brainrot at its peak, plastered over more and more brainrot. My eyes glaze over. The only thing I need to do is click, and already it feels like it’s getting too much.
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It’s the simplest game format imaginable, and yet I find myself getting so overstimulated that I’m considering muting the tab. I decide to press on through the discomfort. I unlock loot boxes, then the ability to trade stocks. A Duolingo owl asks me questions about various languages and owls, rewarding me with Stimulation points when I answer right. It goes on, and on.
A reaction streamer screams, “That’s insane!” I get an email from a Crown Prince asking for money. I’m allowed to buy crypto now. Somewhere, in the cacophony, I hear a woman screaming – probably the podcast. I have to mute it. I walk to my bed, lie down, and put my face in my pillow.
I get up. I unmute the game. I keep going.
If there’s anything you particularly hate about internet culture, it’s probably here. It just gets bleaker and bleaker till the end, which gives you a blissful, silent reprieve. I am never playing it again, but you should. You can find Stimulation Clicker here, but be warned: your dopamine receptors will be shot by the end.
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