Every family has their own Christmas tradition. For some, it’s a specific time when they open presents. For others, there’s a method to decorating the tree. Maybe it’s a movie you always watch together. Maybe it’s a place you always go. For TheGamer family, it’s Delibird. Or, more accurately, a hatred of Delibird. A rejection of Delibird. A destruction of Delibird.
How I despise this little bird Pokemon. This is the fourth Christmas in a row in fact where I have written about my distaste for this horrid little creature, and I will not stop until they claw this website from my cold, dead hands. I have such a war with this bird that I am on its official Wikipedia page as its enemy. Not as a footnote, which is an occupational hazard for a journalist, but in an entire paragraph describing this annual tradition.
Delibird And I Have Been Enemies For A Long Time
A brief history, for those not inclined to leave here and lose themselves in a Wikipedia rabbit hole. In 2021, my case was simple – this charlatan was not a Christmas Pokemon at all. Known as the delivery Pokemon, it doesn’t actually deliver presents in the lore as its Santaesque appearance would suggest, but food to weary travellers on the mountain. Food it stores in its sack. Which is actually its tail. Meaning the food is stored in its cloaca.
In 2022, I began offering alternatives. Stantler, obviously, as a reindeer. Fletchling, as a robin. These were more Christmas-themed Pokemon, even if I felt (and still feel) the season lacks a real mascot to usurp Delibird. Halloween has a plethora of Pokemon with Ghost- and Dark-types, but none of the Ice-types, or any other types, really represent Christmas. Delibird is there because we have no one better, which is admittedly the only reason you’d ever keep it around.
By 2023, I’d had enough. I doubled down on the whole cloaca thing, reminding you that the gifts Delibird uses in battle are essentially well-wrapped excrement. The addition of Iron Bundle, Delibird’s paradox Pokemon relative, had pushed me over the edge. Also, in a startling display of a lack of creativity, I used the same intro about TheGamer’s Christmas tradition being my hatred of the big red bird. ‘Tis the season for phoning it in.
Welcome To A New Christmas Tradition
So this year, I thought I’d extend a little bit of the holiday spirit. You want to be a Christmas Pokemon so badly, Delibird? You got it buster. You know what we do to birds at Christmas? We eat them. We still don’t have a turkey Pokemon, or even a goose Pokemon, so it’s time for you to step up to the plate. I realise you are too stupid, Delibird, to understand the double entendre, but the joke is ‘step up to the plate’ means to fill in for someone else, but also you will be literally on the plate because I am going to roast you at 190 for 25 minutes per pound.
Delibird is obviously based on a penguin, and there are two issues here. Penguins apparently don’t taste very nice (closer to tough oily fish than poultry or game) and are illegal to eat. But I repeat, we have no turkey Pokemon, no goose Pokemon. I can’t have a Vanillite for Christmas dinner. Besides, this is not about the taste. This is about revenge. This is about knowing your place is on the table, not at it.
You are not Santa Claus. You are not even Pokemon’s version of Santa Claus. We meet him in the holiday special Holiday Hi-Jynx, and he is just like our real Santa Claus – a human man with a white beard and red suit. And, most notably, the presents he gives are made in a workshop, not in his bowels. He’s a nice guy. I like him. Three cheers for the real Santa Claus. And three more oranges stuffed inside Delibird.
It Ends Here, Bird
There’s only one way this thing ends, bird. There is no Delibird pardon. Who would want you? Have you ever met a person whose favourite Pokemon was Delibird? I checked that viral Pokemon poll from five years ago, and apparently only 38 of these degenerates walk amongst us. That’s as many as had Spinda as their favourite. Two little red and white gimmick freaks in a pod, those two.
But if only 38 people even like this thing, I bet fewer have ever used it for any prolonged period of time. I try to keep stats out of it, because my objection to Delibird is ideological, not competitive, but this truly is a trash Pokemon. Its highest stat is Speed, at a measly 75. It has a total base stat of 330, which is the same as an Aron, Phanpy, or Finneon, all of which evolve into better Pokemon, which Delibird does not.
So gather around, everyone! I surrender. I freely admit it, I go back on my word. Delibird truly is a Christmas Pokemon. The most Christmas Pokemon! After all, who can have a Christmas without a delicious roast bird?
Pokemon
Pokemon has entertained both children and adults alike for several generations. Whether hit video games, anime series and movies, trading cards, or more, there’s something for every budding trainer hoping to catch ’em all.
- Created by
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Satoshi Tajiri
- First Episode Air Date
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April 1, 1997