2025 looks set to be cranberry sauce-packed with massive games and mega moments, and we all best get preparing for it now. A good year for gaming tends to be a tough year for maintaining a full enough wallet to enjoy them, as well as finding the time to not just play each game, but disappear down each corridor of discourse.
So this year, I strategically picked your presents to come up with a survival kit for the year ahead. 2025 could be a brilliant year for gaming, but only if you’re prepared to go the distance. With this stuffed stocking, you will be.
Bernard’s Watch
Bernard’s Watch was a niche British television show in the late ‘90s, but even if you haven’t heard of it, the principle is sound. When Bernard pushes a button on his ritual watch, time stops. You’d think this would be perfect for doing, well, anything you want, but Bernard always ran into problems with it. That’s why I’m imploring you to use this watch wisely – only use it in February.
Typically the gaming year starts in February, with January more of a post-holiday hangover of a ghost town. Not always (Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth came out in January this year), but that means February tends to start slowly. But in February 2025, we’ve got Monster Hunter Wilds, Assassin’s Creed Shadows, Like a Dragon: Pirate Yakuza in Hawaii, Avowed, Civilization 7, Lost Records: Bloom & Rage, Tomb Raider 4-6 Remastered, and Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 all set to arrive. A perfect month for Bernard.
A Smoking Pipe With A Tweed Jacket
Death Stranding 2: On the Beach is going to come out in 2025, and you are not going to understand it. Don’t feel bad, nobody will. But some people will pretend to, pontificating to us mere mortals as to how Kojima’s nonsensical plot and transparent ploy to get Lea Seydoux to spend time with him is actually a literary masterpiece.
If you want to be one of these jackasses, why not go the extra mile? Get yourself a smoking pipe and tweed jacket, gently stroke your chin, and tell us all why this product placement for Monster Energy is actually deeply subversive.
Sunglasses
Doom is one of the coolest video games there is. Hell, rock music, and a big SEO-penalising gun. Somehow, 2025 found a way to make it even cooler – set it in the medieval era but still in Hell and also you have a chainsaw shield.
While you’re rocking out and blasting demon skulls to bits in Doom: The Dark Ages, slap on these bad boys and take a look in the mirror. Who cares if you haven’t showered for a week because you’ve been too busy playing Doom? You look like a baaaaaad SEO-penalising word dude, and you’re the coolest cat around.
Reading Glasses
For when you take off your sunglasses. I know the article itself is smaller than the headlines, but studies show that if you read it, it might answer questions the headline causes you to ask, or further explain the point the writer is making. Pfft, studies. What do they know?
A Gun
For all that gun violence you’re going to be compelled to do after playing GTA 6! Sure seems like this is the perfect calm and collected gaming and political environment for such an emotive and satirical game to launch into! Bang!
- Platform(s)
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PS5
, Xbox Series X|S - Released
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2025-00-00