According to ABC, the Furby Boom was the top toy of 2013, but screw that noise. The real hit that year was Mount Your Friends. Half-naked, sweaty gym bros climbing on top of each other with QWOP-like precision.
Okay, maybe you wouldn’t find that under your Christmas tree from dear old Santa, but there were a bunch of other great games that were a little more family-friendly and perfect for the festive season. Games that aren’t nearly as cursed as the Furby Boom, which looks like it belongs in Salad Fingers.
Ratchet & Clank: Into The Nexus
2013 saw the curtains close on the PS3 era at long last, but as it bowed out in November to make way for the PS4, Insomniac released the last of the generation’s Ratchet & Clank games — Into the Nexus.
This underrated gem brought us back to the main story after a middling detour into the tower defense and co-op genres, continuing A Crack in Time’s still unresolved cliffhanger.
The pair finally used the Dimensionator to reach the Netherverse on a high-stakes rescue mission, and then quickly left little 13-year-old James on the edge of their seat for what has now been 11 years. But at the time, it was thrilling — Insomniac finally promised that we’d set off to find the Lombaxes! It was an event, a bold sendoff to a great generation of games that made me all the more eager for the PS4. Ah, little did I know.
Rayman Legends
Following on from the amazing Rayman Origins, we had Legends. I was always more of a Raving Rabbids kid, but there’s so much charm in the 2D platformers that started it all, even rivaling Mario (is it any wonder the two eventually crossed over?). If you found Legends under your tree, your parents had impeccable taste.
Lego Marvel Superheroes
The crème de la crème of Lego games, the still undefeated champion. Need I say more?
Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag
Before the age of the RPG games with bloated Far Cry-style maps, we had good ol’ fashioned, pure Assassin’s Creed. And one of the best games of that era was Black Flag, putting us into the muddy boots of Edward Kenway, a cutthroat pirate sailing the West Indies with Blackbeard himself.
Sure, it’s rated 18+ for violence & gore, but given how many of us grew up with this series, I don’t think our parents ever really cared. It was one of the very best PS4 launch titles too. I’ll be honest, you had to pick between that, Killzone, or Knack. Slim pickings…
Grand Theft Auto 5
Speaking of mature games we probably shouldn’t have been playing — GTA 5!
I wasn’t huge on GTA outside of Vice City, and even then that was mostly for the music. But I vividly remember watching the Yogscast play GTA 5, driving off Mount Chiliad at breakneck speeds and desperately trying to avoid getting copyright strikes from the radio. But what sticks out most is that a friend of mine got in serious trouble with their parents while playing.
They somehow managed to convince their mum and dad to get them a video game all about drugs and violent crime with a whole lotta foul language. That’s fine for a 13 year old, obviously. But when they were caught at 2am sitting in a strip club, that was it. Blowing pedestrian’s brains out? A-okay. Strippers? Not a chance.
The Last Of Us
I’m honestly glad I didn’t play this when I was a kid. My dad got me Dead Space 2 when it came out (I would’ve been ten) and I had nightmares for weeks. But I had plenty of friends that played The Last of Us when it came out just two years later, and they turned out mostly alright, emphasis on mostly. Joel though? Naughty list.
The Teskta Robotic Puppy
Remember the ads of that creepy robot dog with the dead, soulless eyes? It was oddly Y2K for 2013, with that royalty-free sounding techno music. Well, the Teskta won Toy of the Year for its innovative technology, as it would react to your actions with barks, crying, and even whimpering, because nothing says fun like making a robot dog cry its eyes out.
Honourable Mentions: Battlefield 4, Injustice, Metro: Last Light, Terraria, Mass Effect 3
Saints Row 4
My dad got me into Saints Row with the very first game, which I played so much that I wore out the disc. But after meeting Carlos and later taking a trip to Steelport, I’d happily moved on from my scratched, beaten, and battered DVD.
Space, though? That seemed a little far-fetched, so I didn’t pick up Saints Row 4 immediately. Instead, I found it under the Christmas tree later that year, neatly wrapped and patiently waiting to take me on a cosmic, superhero, Matrix-laden ride against a bald and buff alien.
Sure, it wasn’t as good as the others, but it was still Saints Row through and through, even if you were now the president of a country that had been obliterated from orbit. I played an unhealthy amount of this game, just like I did all the others, and I’d be as happy now to get a Saint Row from Saint Nicholas under the tree as I was ten years ago.
PS. Santa told me in confidence that the Penetrator is his favourite toy of all time.
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What A Gamer Would Have Gotten For Christmas In 2004
2004 was an all-timer year for video games, especially if you had these under your tree.