Everyone knows that video game enemies can vary in terms of just how difficult they are. The standard ones are beatable, some are mildly infuriating, others are challenging enough to make you quit if not just consider it. But at the opposite end of the spectrum, there are enemies who are merely there for the sake of being beaten.
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Some can attack, but ultimately, does it really even matter if they do? Most of the time, they are easily vanquished, and it takes a more concentrated effort to lose against them than it does to win. As far as video game enemies go, these foes are notably defenseless.
5
Spark Mandrill
Infamous Weakness
Mega Man X
- Released
-
January 19, 1994
This hulking Reploid, Spark Mandrill, is one of the largest Maverick bosses in Mega Man X. He is characterized as unintelligent, hedonistic, and also somewhat lazy. Despite all of these facts and more, Spark Mandrill can actually be a fairly difficult boss to confront without proper preparation. His attacks all have a crazy range, including a punch that sends multiple shockwaves across the screen. All of his attacks also deal fairly significant damage.
With all that in mind, it seems not only insulting, but also somewhat inaccurate to consider him a defenseless enemy. That being said, most of it is directly negated by a single weakness. If X has defeated Chill Penguin prior, he will have the Shotgun Ice as one of his Special Weapons. Spark Mandrill is incredibly weak against the Shotgun Ice, to the point where it is possible to freeze him, repeatedly, without taking damage. This is accomplished by getting the time right as to when exactly he will thaw, and then subsequently attacking him again. With the proper pattern, it is possible to beat him by only using Shotgun Ice. This makes Spark Mandrill one of many seemingly unbeatable foes who only needs the right weapon to be turned defenseless.
4
Negative Man
Joke Boss
This depressive embodiment of genuine self-hatred is known as Negative Man. He is capable of attacking, but his attacks are super sporadic and only a chip at a single hit point. Instead, his combat tactics seem to be more rooted in self-depreciation. He claims repeatedly, that he can’t win, and he’s right. He will quickly proclaim his worthlessness, and isn’t above begging Lucas and his friends to defeat him, after which he “becomes tame.”
A notable quote of his in the Mother 3 fan translation seemingly references being a “worthless protoplasm,” another weak enemy in Mother. When one considers the protoplasm’s original name is apparently equivalent to “what do I matter anyway?” in Japanese, it really gives one a scope of just how self-pitying this being truly is.
For all his quivering remarks, Negative Man still has fairly high HP. Due to his own lack of combat ability, this merely prolongs the inevitable. This makes it easy to be very annoyed at him, even if you’re already feeling sorry for him.
3
Schelemeus “Skelly”
Training Dummy
Practice dummies are a fairly common incarnation of this sort of character. While they are not strictly ‘enemies’ in the traditional sense, they can take damage and are exclusively there for the heroes to wail on. In the various genres, this character tends to appear. They are used so that the player can practice and ultimately pull off different kinds of combos, in order to gain a better understanding of what would work against an opponent that can fight back. Sometimes, these foes can be toggled to counterattack, but in other games, they’ll just sit there and take whatever punishment the player dishes out. Skelly from Hades is of the latter variety.
Sometimes these characters are living beings, or at least undead in Skelly’s case. Other times, these characters are just literal training dummies. Like most of his kind, Skelly is basically unkillable, he has very high HP, and even if one does manage to eclipse it, he will merely return, good as new. In life, Skelly was a resilient warrior of feats rivaling the likes of Odysseus. He has since been employed by an undisclosed entity to aid Zagreus in his journey. His animated banter allows him to quickly develop a rapport with Zagreus, despite his only true purpose being to get hit over and over again by Zagreus, with the various arms he has at his disposal.
As a sort of parody of this expectation, if Skelly bonds with Zagreus enough, he will request to be executed by the god more permanently. There is a briefly solemn atmosphere, as it is assumed Zagreus killed his friend and training partner for good. However, he once again reforms, in perfect condition, and claims that he was merely pranking Zagreus. This shows that Skelly cannot be killed, even by the Blade of Chaos in its strongest form. He reprises his role in Hades 2, acting as Schelemeus, and aiding Melinoë, the sister of Zagreus.
2
Magikarp
Literally Cannot Attack
The list would be incomplete if not for this infamous punchline of a Pokemon. Most forms of Magikarp are infamously useless, with its signature move, Splash, doing nothing when used. That said, it can usually learn at least one or two moves that do some form of damage before it evolves, such as Tackle, Flail, and in some cases, Bounce. Even so, its reputation precedes it as one of the most infamously awful Pokemon, with various jokes in and outside the universe, based on this premise.
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Perhaps the most useless form of Magikarp comes from Pokemon Conquest, an RPG developed by Tecmo Koei, which has Pokemon being trained by fictionalized versions of figures from the Edo Period, based on those in the Samurai Warriors series. This game makes the choice of giving each species of Pokemon a single move it can use, which it can do in perpetuity, provided it is not somehow incapacitated. In some cases, this can be an advantage, such as the various basic stage dragon-type Pokemon being locked into Dragon Rage, which can kill most early foes in a single hit, by taking away 40 HP with each attack.
Magikarp, on the other hand, gets the worst of this mechanic, only being able to use Splash. The ‘excuse’ for the nerfing of this already unimposing character is likely that in Conquest, victories are not decided purely by who can wipe out everyone else. It is technically possible for a Magikarp to win certain stages by merely surviving and avoiding being attacked. That said, this fact does not make it much easier to contend with its uselessness in direct combat, which most battles still eventually boil down to anyway.
There are only two warriors, Nobuchika and Takeyoshi, who can embrace the full benefits of linking with the Magikarp evolutionary line, with them having it as a Perfect Link. It is recommended to deploy a warrior with Magikarp alongside other warriors, who can protect them from any foes, so that the Magikarp’s experience isn’t hindered by defeat. If Magikarp reaches a high enough attack stat after splashing around, it will evolve into the much stronger Gyarados, who in Conquest, can take down three enemies at once with a well-placed Aqua Tail. Enemy warriors with Magikarp are practically freebies, provided the player can confront them across the given map. Since Magikarp literally cannot attack you on their own, most other Pokemon can defeat them fairly fast.
1
Previous Lex
Plot-Relevant Joke Boss
- Appears in: Bookworm Adventures 2
- Role: Boss of Book 6: Chapter 5
- Developer: PopCap Games
Sometimes a character is defenseless for narrative reasons, rather than for novelty or practicality’s sake. Previous Lex is such an example. The idea of an evil version of Lex, the titular Bookworm of Bookworm Adventures, was entertained in the first game. In Book 2, Chapter 7: Mirage Mania, Lex fights a number of illusory beings based on past and future foes. The final one is Mirage Xel, an evil version of Lex who is somewhat powerful. However, as a mirage, he is ultimately a false being, even within the context of the story.
This concept is fleshed out somewhat more in Bookworm Adventures 2, where Lex is attacked after completing Book 4: Fractured Fairytales. Due to a series of portals of unclear origin, it is shown that characters from various books are capable of roaming through the library as they please. Lex attempts to fix this by securing a previously established Magic Pen from the library. However, he is beaten up quickly, and the pen is stolen by the attacker. His assailant is identical to him, only differing by sporting a mechanical propeller helmet. He is quickly dubbed ‘EviLex.’
After Lex attains Enlightenment at the end of Book 5: The Monkey King, the Jade Emperor tells Lex that he cannot defeat ‘EviLex.’ The reason for this is subsequently identified in Book 6, Chapter 5: Back To The Library. Lex had previously acquired a time-traveling helmet, identical to EviLex’s own, and is using it to take the pen before EviLex does. After a series of fairly serious battles against figures such as Moby Dick and Odysseus, the final boss unveils himself. Rather than a mighty EviLex, the boss is instead a clueless past Lex, who identifies Lex himself as ‘EviLex.’
This version of Lex is significantly harder to lose against than he is to defeat, requiring an active effort in order to accomplish the former outcome. Ironically, he is even weaker than Lex actually was during Chapter 4, possibly due to being taken off guard. With just a quick attack, the Magic Pen is now Present/ Future Lex’s once again.
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