The Edge Of Allegoria Review

Over the years, a lot of people have speculated about what a ‘grown up Pokemon game’ might look like. I’ve never been too sure about it. I appreciate that modern Pokemon is too simplistic and loaded with tutorials and explanations, and I would like more variety in the narrative to make me care, but so often the pitch is just ‘then Charizard smokes a fat doobie!’ and a lot of swear words. If that’s the sort of game you want, your prayers have been answered, and thy god’s name is The Edge of Allegoria.

It has all the pitfalls you’d expect of a game taking this track. Every other line is a swear word. It’s a little try-hard. Most characters either hate you in incredibly sarcastic ways, or are horny, or stoned, or some other ‘cool’ thing you’d never see in Pokemon. But Edge of Allegoria knows this. It’s aware of the world it was born into and deliberately rides as close to Pokemon as possible at times. It knows what it’s doing, and I’ll give it some credit for that.

Pokemon, For Adults

Before venturing into one of the towns (which don’t have rude names, but are named for the order you visit them like the second town ‘Secunton’), I met an NPC, a chubby neckbeard who seemed to be filling the role of the game’s critics. He complained, as I just did, about the frequent swearing that was more irritating than rebellious, and the subversion of RPG tropes that didn’t accomplish much except being edgy and different. He then asked for a stick, which he promptly shoved up his ass, telling me the last one had gotten lost.

I admit it, it got a laugh out of me. There are some parts of Allegoria’s silly edginess that fit the tone it’s trying to create. We get sent on a Jabberwocky hunt, and it becomes clear that the reason we were sent on his hunt is because the Jabberwocky saw the married and closeted mayor having an affair with another man. Then… we kill the Jabberwocky anyway, because that’s the only way to progress the game.

While Edge of Allegoria is content with being a Pokemon parody, it feels a step behind where it needs to be. There are some very interesting stories in this world, the kind Pokemon could never tell. But the game doesn’t seem interested in telling them. It’s all set-up, no punchline. Or maybe all punchline, no set up. Or maybe there are some set-ups without a punchline and some punchlines that aren’t set up. It’s a decently funny game, if below the level of something like Thank Goodness You’re Here, but a very disjointed one.

It makes the NPC moment feel like that fourth-wall breaking line in the third X-Men prequel where Sophie Turner says the third movie always sucks. It’s clever! But it’s still right! And the third X-Men prequel still sucks!

The Edge of Allegoria’s Mechanics Don’t Measure Up

But obviously, this is a video game, not a stand-up special. It clearly wants to be a laugh, but it is also something you’re meant to play like any other Pokemon-like, even if this is a lot more transparent in its inspiration. I’d use the same word there – it’s a disjointed affair.

You don’t catch any creatures in Edge of Allegoria, all battles are fought by you alone. You get weapons from shops, chests, or key enemies, and each has a unique attack. Master the weapon by winning enough battles, and you can use its unique attack when wielding other weapons. With armour also requiring mastery for perks, it’s a decent way to get you changing up your arsenal.

However, it’s mechanically a long way short of Pokemon. There are no types at all, Maddened status is incredibly overpowered while everything bar Poisoned is underpowered. You can’t see how much items heal you by, or if they even heal you at all, in the battle menu, and you also can’t see what your moves do. When getting a new weapon, it asks if you want to equip it but doesn’t tell you its stats or its unique move. The only way to compare weapons is to remember all of the numbers.

But numbers aren’t everything – because you battle alone, you can’t take out powerful enemies with the strength of many. I found I needed to grind myself up to around seven levels higher than any dungeon boss to even stand a chance, and even then I was cramming down items and trying to remember if steak or pizza heals you by more.

In a similarly vague move, some paths are blocked by normal objects like rocks or crystals you must progress to break. But other times there’s a busker who gives you no hint on how to move him, or your dog just lies down in the way. Beyond the humour, there’s a bit of a ‘sure, that’ll do’ attitude to the actual game.

There’s still a bestiary, and the idea of ‘gotta see ’em all’ still features, but most of them are things that already exist. There are bears, foxes, rabbits et cetera, but also mimics, succubi, vampiresses, rocs, and harpies. The female enemies are all designed like they were sketched in a teenage boy’s bedroom, and that wouldn’t be so bad if every battle against them didn’t start with a line like ‘Wowee my pants just got tighter, schwing!’ or more inevitable swear words.

Allegoria’s Cast Can Be Grating

This extends to the characters too – a lot of the women you meet are raring to go the second they see you. There’s a sex worker everyone in town hates because she makes men leave their husbands, but also she hates the men too – she just wants the money (you later give her poison she uses to kill the king because it tastes like urine and he apparently likes to drink her urine).

There’s a woman whose husband asks for a goblin heart to impress her, but when she finds out it was you she asks for a nymph foot and will reward you by letting you suck her toe. You see someone who seems to be giving birth, fetch them the food they need, and it turns out a whole other person got stuck ‘up there’ during coitus, and this has previously happened with a snake.

It’s one of those things I feel I should have a problem with on principle but a world where most of the women are highly sexual and most of the men are pathetic losers is actually a pretty funny pitch. It won’t be for everyone, but in 8-bit graphics the little sprites are so obviously non-sexual that it makes the whole thing seem more like a D&D campaign that ran off the rails than a Real Games For Real Gamers deal.

The Edge of Allegoria is a grown up Pokemon game, for better or for worse. I enjoyed my time with it, but I think the fact it was so obviously Pokemon helped that a lot. A worthwhile experiment, and good for a larf, but not a game changer. It may be the first game ever to reference the ‘why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food’ meme though, and that’s got to be worth something.